Look Past the Label

The concourse was bustling with people moving about, the smell of stale concession foods filled the air, and the energetic music grew louder as we entered the arena. We walked in and she stopped and slowly looked around. Her eyes lit up and her face held a smile from ear to ear. The old saying goes “like a kid in a candy store,” but for her it could be changed to “like a girl at a NBA game!” I watched as she sat on the edge of her seat the entire game. She cheered as the Blazers pulled ahead. She sat with her hands on her head worrying if they would make the free throw, and she chanted along with the crowd in every moment of excitement.  I enjoyed watching her, more than the game. 

My daughters zest for life and excitement of anything active brings pure joy to my heart! I remember the first time someone called her a tomboy. She turned her head with a quizzical look, and said “NO I am not, I am a girl!” Later I tried to explain it was just an expression, but she was young, and didn’t understand.   Honestly though it is not an expression, it is a label, and I don’t really care much for labels.  As time moved forward, she sort of embraced the phrase, I even hear her refer to herself as one.  It still gives me a little pit in my stomach.  We work hard to teach our kids to love who they are, and not to label things, activities, toys or even clothes as boy or girl. She dressed in camo for Halloween, and loves to wear cargo pants and football jerseys, but she also loves hearts, peace symbols and making friendship bracelets!

The term tomboy is interesting, in that you never hear an adult referred to as one. When asked to describe yourself, do you ever hear an adult woman say “well, I am a tomboy…”  The label transitions based on how you learn to define yourself.  If sports are something you enjoy in your life, you might be an athlete.  If you still love building things, you might become an engineering or be called science minded.  What happens to those “tomboys” who don’t have a strong dominate thing they identify with as they transition from child to teen to adult? We all seek to fit in, to find our place, to find our own “label.” This is the exact reason I do not like the general broad term of tomboy.  

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what we should use to replace this word, and then I realized, it doesn’t need to be replaced, just removed! When we label people, they tend to look to others with that label, and do their best to fit in. Instead we should be encouraging kids to become their own person.  Besides, I don’t want just one word to describe my daughter, or myself for that matter. My daughter is gorgeous, loves to play sports, jump rope, build with legos, read a good book, and plays with frogs! 

So maybe the next “tomboy” you see, you might look a little closer, and choose to give her hope of an amazing future that lies ahead instead of a label. The girl who plays with bugs is a future biologist, builds with Legos, an engineer, plays ball with the boys is a future athlete. Or maybe just maybe if you look close enough you might see she is a gorgeous little princess who loves a good slam dunk!

What I Deserve… is to be a Woman who Serves!

We started as friends, and slowly progressed into the dating phase.  I remember as the relationship changed knowing without a doubt that I was created to be the wife of this man.  Our lives began to intertwine in a way that I couldn’t image that I would ever feel any different.  Of course I would do anything and everything for my love bug, he was my everything!  

Well add in time, kids, bills, jobs, society, and much more and well that love changes. How it changes is up to you. Marriage has its hills (some feel more like mountains), with lots of ups and downs. During those tougher times, it becomes easy to start wondering if you are getting your fair share. I can honestly say I have said the words “I deserve….” Fill in the blank.  Somehow we get the idea that because of what we have done, or who we are that we deserve something in return.  We start filling our heads with thoughts like, “well if he loved me then….” Or “ He isn’t doing his part in this marriage so why should I? Good question why should I?

 

That question led me into some thought and prayer about why or what I should be doing. So, I closed my eyes and began to pray “Father, why should I put so much effort in when he…” Then, one of my kids came into the room saying “Mom, why do I have to clean up, my brother isn’t!” I sighed opened my eyes and said  “You need to worry about what YOU should be doing, let me worry about what he is doing!”  Then I returned to my prayer, and I heard my Savior repeat those words to me. “Lisa, worry about what YOU should be doing, let me worry about what he is doing!”  Oh. 

So remember I was saying that when we were dating I was certain I was created to this man’s wife? Well, is that my life purpose? Actually,  I was created to serve God, and in doing so, he created me to be this man’s wife! To love him and to cherish him, asking for nothing in return. When I do my job, that I was created to do and do it well, that is what matters. It does not matter if he appreciates it or reciprocates.

 We have to think about why we do what we do. Do I try and be a good wife, because I think I am a good person? Do I do loving things because I think I am a loving person?  Is it because I want something in return? My concern needs to be on what my spouse deserves, not what I deserve or what I will get out of it.  Do I want him to look at me with googly eyes like he did when we were dating? Or write me sweet love notes? Of course I do. I bet he has a few things that he wishes were more like they were 20 years ago also! That being said, things might not be as mushy as they were 20 years ago, but I adore this man with all my heart. It is important for me to always remember, I was not put on this earth for my pleasure, but to love and serve the God who created me.  My heart knows that when I am doing what I was called to do my Savior fills my heart with joy and love. 

My motivation is driven by my desire to give my husband what HE deserves, a wife that loves and adores HIM, because that is what God created me to do!

Learning Young to Love and Respect Yourself

While camping last weekend my daughter’s swimsuit strap broke.  So I went online and began looking to purchase a new one.  I went from store site to store site, not happy with the options.  See what I wanted for her, and what was available were two different things.  

I was raised in a home where it was made clear that men are to respect women.  To treat them like a lady, to open doors for them, to give up their seat for them, to honor them, and to not treat them like objects.  I in turn hope (and think we are) raising our son with these values. However, one must be sure that they understand that all of the pressure does not lie with men. Women have a responsibility too, that seems to have gotten a bit lost in our society.  

Men and women were created so vastly different.  One thing we try and teach BOTH of our kids is be careful what you put your eyes on.  We discuss what is appropriate and what is not.  However, to be honest it is very difficult to convince our kids something is appropriate when society is telling them something very different.    For example movies, we let our kids watch movies we deem appropriate.  Yet, as I was watching one of these Disney movies the other day, I was noticing how the girls, young girls were dressed.  Short shorts, and bikinis adorned their tiny bodies. They flaunt themselves by pools and nobody seems to blink an eye.  Society tells us this is cute, and fashionable and appropriate.  I can tell you that I disagree. 

This goes beyond how difficult we are making if for men, especially young men to stay pure, wholesome, and to respect women. I do not want boys looking at my daughter because she is cute, fashionable, and looks good in a bikini.  Those are not the qualities I want her to be known for.  Honestly do any of us want men to choose us because we look “hot”, I think NOT! If this is what we teach our boys to look for in girls, what will they think of their wives 20 years later after their bodies have aged and changed? Will they still be looking for that image? What we ingrain in our kids as acceptable and appropriate, will stick with them and mold them into the people they will become.  If we want men to respect us, then we have to respect ourselves.  This begins with modesty.   

So, back to the swimsuit issue, she asked me why I didn’t want her to have a bikini.  I retorted with why do YOU want a bikini.  Her shrug of the shoulders led us into a great conversation. We discussed how we want the world to view us, what we think is important, and what God would want for us. We talked about how we need to make our life choices on that, not on what other people around us are doing. You see even at her very young age, she understands (maybe better than us grown-ups do) that we want people to like us, for who we are, not what we look like.  When we talk to someone we want them to know us for the things we like, the things we say, and the people we are, not for our cute swimsuit.  So we found a one piece suit she thought was cute. Actually she and her dad took this shopping trip. All were happy with the outcome.